Where Can I Turn for Peace?

Where Can I Turn for Peace? Hymn #129 LDS Hymns Words by Emma Lou Thayne Music by
Some of us seem to have lives that may be a little more intense than others. Don't get me wrong--life is a challenge for all, in different ways. And it is, after all, only a very short middle act, surrounded by lives by we either can't remember or that will be very much determined by what we do here. I have had my share of happiness, but I've also experienced much that sometimes just makes it hard to know that someone really is control, that there is really an ultimate purpose and meaning to it all that all will be made perfect in the end. Now before we start comparing lives, which just isn't good, let's just know that ultimately, we know Heavenly Father really is in control, that He has created a plan that is tailor-made for us, to teach us exactly what we need so that we can become like Him. And that can't happen unless we accept what the Savior did for us and give ourselves to Him and follow Him. But let's face it--life really is hard sometimes, and it is difficult not to resent what we have been given, especially when we see others. Now, of course, I really wouldn't want to ever trade lives with anyone else--the things, hard and not-as-hard, that I've learned, I really wouldn't want to miss for anything, and I have been reminded by some that it really is rewarding (& it really is)--it would just be nice to see the end so that it would made the middle easier to view in proper perspective. When I read a book or watch a movie, I almost always have to know the end before I can see the movie--it can drives me nuts if I don't--of course, we live in a world where most books and movies have an ultimate wrap-up, if not a happy ending, but we don't live in a world where that happens for most--we struggle, just hoping and trusting that all will be made right. I'm always intrigued by those who have many more years than I--who have gone through hard things--I always wonder what, now they have a little more perspective having seen how at least some things have wrapped up, they would have done or how they would have thought differently when they were going through harder things when they were younger. Unfortunately, most of them don't seem to remember necessarily what it was like or are reluctant to share--oh well.

So what does this have to do with "Where Can I Turn for Peace?" I've always loved the text and the melody of the music is just so beautiful that I always wanted to do something with it. After struggling and working and playing with it for a long time, it finally just clicked, shortly after I was married (I found it so interesting that, now that I have kids and cannot do as much with music on a wide basis because of time and resource constraints, that all of these have really crystallized for me as I feel really they can be fully expressed for me--just thinking about this morning, in light of the fact that I'm always listening to my music now that I have some kind of recording and why that is--am I addicted to it--is it my form of "daydreaming-"I'll answer that in a moment). Back to just after I was married. I became an instant mom when I got married--I became the mother of Tyler and Travis--wonderful kids, wonderful sons of God who themselves have been through a lot in their short lives that have left their scars, quite deep. It was a challenging few months, as I realized there was not necessarily going to be a wrap-up in our story, a happy ending as I had once conceived. But nevertheless, I had gotten through it and was starting to feel a measure of comfort and peace. I think I also came up with this in its final form before my brother, Brian, my youngest brother, at the age of 21, took his own life. He did it in early May and I think this really came together in about April, about the time that things were becoming a little easier with the boys (so just to give the boys' story some perspective--we moved that summer and again threw everything up in the air--I am not so sure that everything has landed--and more so that we have two more little girls, even five years later, but yet it's still all good, somehow, or at least will be). To put the story of my brother in perspective, however, you need to know that my other brother (I'm the oldest of six--2 boys, 4 girls), Stephen, also took his own life in 1990 at the age of 17. When that happens, the story has a very abrupt ending, and it definitely is not happy, and all those loose ends are hard enough. Death is hard enough, but when it happens in that way, there are many, many, many unanswered questions and things that give you a completely different perspective on life and eternity and the Atonement.

When you can't see the end, somehow you have to find a way to make it through today, because I just can just become overwhelmed thinking of how the ramifications of the decisions I make today will affect the end result, and sometimes that can become paralyzing, as well as depressing. And the Savior provides the way that we can make it through each day, knowing that He does know the end result, and that if we just choose His way, don't give up, and keep trusting and going, that He will provide the way for our rescuing, for making everything right. When our aching grows, when nothing else can provide solace because it just doesn't answer the questions or provide the comfort we need, when noone else can truly understand, He does and can provide the peace through the Spirit that He promised and that we need. Even with his promise, sometimes we still struggle feeling that peace, but if we can just continue to desire to receive that peace through Him and His way, it will come. I promise. I promise it does. Even now I am struggling with the sadness and despair that come with not knowing what the end will be, especially considering the fact that we are about to the end of our rope with regards to our finances--we've been living on the edge for so long--not just financially, but emotionally in trying to be patient and continue cheerfully, mentally in trying to make things work and give our all, in the midst of family concerns, callings, and doing good in our lives, and physically, as it sometimes seems more than we can bear and have time or resources to accomplish. My music right now is the way the Spirit can speak to me. I am having a hard time receiving peace and direction through any other way. As much as I sometimes have had a "love-hate relationship" (I really am grateful for them, but...) with my musical talents and don't know how much good it really does for anyone else, I am so grateful for the messages I can receive through music--that He can provide the peace that I need, and He has done so through helping me, through my talents, to fully convey the love and the extent of the feelings He has, as I do my part to fully convey my feelings about & for Him. Where Can I Turn for Peace---He only one. And He will do it in the way that we can receive. Thank you for music, and thank you for these beautiful hymns, and thank you for my talents and the abilities and desires and the opportunities I have to express and use them. We thank Thee, Lord, for everything!